I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
