Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
