At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
