So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
