I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
