"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
