umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
