I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
