true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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