So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
