I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
