the condom got lost in my hair
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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