This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
