Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
