Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
