Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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