I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize