I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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