remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
