i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
