I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He felt like a one man threesome
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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