I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
