just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
