I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
