Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
