hotel room ftw
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
