So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
