How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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