how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
