Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
