In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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