I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
