There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
