If that was your dad, he is hot
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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