Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
