I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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