i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
