I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
