a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
