i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
