I looked at my own cervix.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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