love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
