um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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