I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
