i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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