Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
