I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
