my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
