with your own penis?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
