she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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