youre lurking in front of me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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