I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
