You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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