the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
