omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
