I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
