can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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