you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
These tits shall not be calmed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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