Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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