fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.