she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
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The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?