just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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