Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
