My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So squirting runs in the family.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
