Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
