apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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