You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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