He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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