I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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