My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
