I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
