even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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